♥ ME ♥

I Am Home

2010-07-27T17:48:00.000-04:00

So for the last few weeks God has really placed on my heart that I needed to be home, that no matter where Eric stood, I still needed to be obedient to Him. I needed to be the wife that God called me to be. So I spent day after day sometimes many times in a day praying and just seeking guidance. I knew what I was supposed to do, but honestly I was so scared. I knew Eric did not want me home and how was I going to make him change his mind. When it came down to everything, God took care of it all!

I wrestled with what God was going to have me do, but in every doubt He would reconfirm what I had to do. Saving my marriage would be a battle..... my giant. It was a giant that I had to fight face to face. My battle is not with my husband, but with the enemy who would like nothing more to destroy what God would want to use. As big of a giant I was and am going to face, I can only trust in God.

Last week when Eric was down, I became so very aware of the pain he was feeling, but I also knew there was hope. I know he still loves me, but behind the hurt its hidden. He was also very clear a few weeks ago, that his plan was to file for a divorce. But as we sat on the porch a week ago swinging, he said yes, if we could work this out, then he would want to save or family. I have just been in awe watching God work, slowly melting this heart. On his way home, we talked almost the entire time. One thing he said was, that he needed to see that things have changed before he got his hopes up. It was one more way that I knew I had to be home because there was no other way for him to see anything from 3 hours away. That was Monday a week ago. On Saturday we had to come up for Christian's birthday party, so the boys and I packed everything up we could in my car and my Dad's truck and made the drive up. When we got here, Eric was already at work, so I unpacked and prayed. I had no clue how or what I was going to tell him. I had planned on just giving him a few letters that I had wrote, but then that just did not seem right any longer. So I sent Eric a text and told him that I needed to talk to him face to face, so he said to come up to his job. I prayed the entire time that I drove, my heart shook. So when I got there I sat down and just poured everything out, then gave him the letters. I could tell he was upset and I knew he would be, but not once did he raise his voice at me or tell me no I could not stay. After he got off work we picked up some groceries and came home. I slept in his arms and I knew that's where I belonged. Sunday we had Christian's party and we told every one there that the boys and I were home. Yesterday I got up and made breakfast, we all sat down and ate together, then Eric asked if I wanted to ride to the store with him. I was pretty sure he was going to tell me something that I did not want to hear, but instead he just offered so we could talk. He just drove around and we talked, talked about our future. Last night he said to me "I think you really do love me" and that he is just going to continue to watch and see. I am glad, I want him to watch, I want him to see, I want him to know how much I do love him.

Oh, he has said he is kinda glad we are home :)

I am continuing to hold my husband and my marriage up to God and I ask you to do the same. I know God is listening, I see Him answering prayers, I feel Him holding me together, I can see all that He is doing. I am so thankful for all that He is doing and I know I am so blessed. I am just so excited and in awe watching God and feeling His love and grace and faithfulness. I just want to shout it from the roof tops!

I am aware that will have my valleys again and I know everything will not stay perfect between Eric and I forever, but for one I just want to soak up this peak and perfectness so when the valleys and hard times come into play that I still have gas in my reserve and the strength to continuing to give it over to God and just keep pressing forward. I am never going to toss in the towel or just give up ever again.

So Eric & I are doing well, we are working things out, and we are working on keeping our family together. I am positive I am where I should be, I am sure that God placed me here, and I am so thankful that God did not give up on me, that He met me every time I needed Him and when I was unsure and doubted He made Him self very clear.

How Amazing Is God!

2010-07-21T17:05:00.000-04:00

I am sooo excited to share what God is doing.....

First of all, only a few weeks ago Eric made it very clear that he was dead set on a divorce. A few weeks ago God decided He would break me. I had no idea how feeling this much pain and hurt could do any good. A friend of mine told me that one day there would be a woman who would be going through what I am going through one day, and I would no exactly what to say. I of course did not see that happening. But guess what... there has actually been a few woman who I have spoke with who are hurting, there marriages have been in trouble, and there thoughts were thinking about leaving. I had no clue what I would tell someone a few weeks ago but God has put every word in my mouth when they needed to be there. WoW.

Ok, so a month ago Eric and I agreed that we would be friends at least. Also I decided that I would not let fear keep me from telling my husband how I felt, how much I loved him, and how much I planned on fighting for our marriage. So I told him. I asked him not to let it get in the way of our friendship, but that I needed to tell him, and tell him everyday. He said that was fine, but of course he does not feel the same way. Eric has been sorta cold and his heart is hurt and he is angry with me, which he has every reason to be, I hurt him and was not a good wife to him. Anyways, so we talk on the phone everyday :) Sometimes 3 and 4 times a day. On his way down here this weekend he called me as soon as he got on the road, and we talked for a little over 2 hours strait. That night we went out and had a drink and shot pool and listened to some music. We talked and just really enjoyed spending time together, it was fun! Sunday morning I got up, I took a shower, prayed, and read my Bible, even read some of it to the boys who go up and wanted there attention. I went to church. I was able to praise God like I had not been able to in a long while. I heard Him. After church we went to the Water Front Park downtown for Christian's photo shoot. Some very amazing pictures were taken! it was really fun and everyone enjoyed it, and our photographer did an amazing job! I asked my Hubby if he would get a rose that they make from corn husks and he did and he even got an Italian Ice to share with us all. After the shoot, we stuck around and played in the water. Once we got home we had dinner and laid in bed and watched a little t.v and snuggled until we fell asleep. Yep.... he snuggled with me all week end! And in his sleep, if he could not feel me, he would scoot over till he was touching my skin, it was sooo sweet, but shhh, don't tell him ;) Monday morning we got up early.... well he woke me up early, but it gave me an opportunity to talk to him and cry like a baby. I had not seen what God was doing in that very moment. When we were done talking, I went and cried my eyes out a little more. My girlfriend and her family came to the house to go to the beach with us. At first I was shaken up, but I just continued to give it over to God in prayer and on the way to church, I read my Bible, and God just shared what He wanted me to know in that moment.

At the beach, we had a blast! Eric and I fought the waves together, I rode his back, he help me in his arms, he held my hand so I would not be swept away..... though at one point, someone, which I will not say any names..... Jeff (Lisa's Hubby) yelled big wave. Eric and I both looked back and as I turned my head back, Eric had my hand and pulled me to him so I would not be taken away by this huge wave (my hero ;)) and smack, I got his elbow to my eye, lol. Amazingly it only busted a few veins in my eye, it's not swollen or black, but it is very sore. Anyhow, Eric and I also got a chance to talk and make future plans. I asked him to do me a favor, I asked if he would put his wedding ring back on and he said he would. That to me in it's self was amazing, but that is not the best part.

When we got home we had a huge cook out with everyone, it was fun, but we were all sore because we all got fried! Eric was supposed to leave out around 3, but he did not get out till after 7. As he was leaving though, I got to hug and kiss him good bye and he accidentally slipped up and said he loved me. He said it was out of habit, I do not care though, I will take that :) He told me that he did not want to say it out of habit though, he wanted to say it when it was right and he knew he meant it. Still not the best part.

The best part is about 10 minutes into his 3 hour drive home, he called me. We talked and talked for another 2 hours! We talked about everything. The best part is that my prayers were starting to be answered. I saw my husbands heart slowly softening. He was no longer talking about the plans for a divorce, but saying what needed to change, he was talking about our family being back together again, he said he did not want to get his hopes up...... he has hope though. He said if we could fix this and save our family, he would want that. The best part was not what Eric said, it's what God was doing. I got to share what God was doing in my life. Eric said he was done with church for a while when I asked him to go to church with me on Sunday. I had to take a break from talking to deal with the boys, but when I called him back, he told me that he hit a dear. That was Satan by the way, because Eric turned the rock station he was listening to, to an all Christian radio station.

I had the most amazing weekend with my husband and children, but the amazing parts were where I could see God working, where I could see God answering my prayers, where God spoke to me.

I have something I want to share with everyone, but it will have to wait a little while longer. Until then, keep us in your prayers!

Oh by the way, the women I have spoke with.... each one of them has to decided to fight to save there marriage! God is sooo good.

Where I Stand

2010-07-15T04:52:00.000-04:00

It has been a very long week. I have never been so broken in my life and I have never been so thankful to be this broken as I am now. When we have problems in our relationships, we tend to look at the other person and see what they are doing wrong. We are quick to point the finger at someone else's down fall. I think the reason why it is so painful to broken is because God gets you alone with Him and forces you to see who we really are. There is no one to point the finger at our blame other than our selves. It's hard to say I am wrong.
Being broken mean all blinders are stripped away, you see things for what it truly is. Brokenness is a wonderful place for you and God, it's just the two of you, we have His full attention and He has ours.

A little over a week ago I had never felt so alone, so scared, so hopeless. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel and I could not hear a word God was saying. I had never cried so much and I was inconsolable.

Today I stand. Today I did not shed a tear. Today I spent time with the Lord, and heard everything He had to say. Today I see the light. Today I have hope.

I am a bit scared of the battle I will be facing in the fight to save my marriage, but it's one that needs to be fought. I hold little doubt that there will not be a restoration. I believe in God's word and I am going to stand on it, trust it, and hope in it.

After all I love my husband.... and love never gives up, it never loses hope, it never fails.

My husband says it will take a miracle for God to change his mind.......
He should know that miracles happen..... look at Christian.

Broken

2010-07-09T01:08:00.000-04:00

Time...... it reveals & heals.

A few months ago Eric and I separated. I thought that it was the end and I was ok with it. I was angry and bitter and could not see past my self to know or see the truth. The anger and bitterness has slowly faded and what's left behind is a love that I had forgotten.

I screwed up in my marriage, more then I care to admit and I do not know if the damage I have done can ever be repaired. But with the God's grace (which I do not completely fully understand), I pray that time will heal.

I am broken. I have never felt a pain like I do deep down in my heart and soul as I do now. I am physically sick from the pain, from the heart ache. I do not know what is yet to come, but I do know I have come to a place of surrender. My hearts desire is that my marriage will one day be restored, but will it happen, only God knows. My husband does not love me, I have none that for a long time. He used to though. And we have both changed and are no longer the same people, but does that mean we can not fall in love again?
If it's not in God's will, I pray that the desire to be his wife will fade and His desires fill me up.

I spent a few days with him this past week. We had fun. We smiled, laughed, and played. Friends, that's what he wants to be. I want to find that friendship again as well, but he is completely closed off to ever reconciling. Tonight his words cute like a knife.

If you are reading this, know I and my marriage and my husband are in desperate need of prayer. Pray that our hearts will be softened and opened to what God has in store. Pray that we will lean upon Him first. Pray that God will do a wonderful miracle in our marriage. Pray not just today and tomorrow, don't stop praying. Keep us in your prayers for the next month, the next year. Also hold our boys up in prayer. They are torn apart from all of this.

I am struggling. I am struggling to know where to go from here, to know that I am no longer in control rather God is, I am struggling to understand His grace and forgiveness. I see no light at then end of the tunnel. I pray that God will reveal and heal. Show me peace and remind me of hope.

Time to fess up

2010-05-07T16:42:00.001-04:00

Sometimes life just does not work out the way you think or hope it too. But never give up.

My marriage has now reached it's finally chapter. I want to say that I am destroyed over it, but I feel very at peace over it. I am making the best choice I can for my children and I. Sadly Eric has no emotion over it, but that only gives me certainty.

Things have been bad for a while and recently it has come to a head. I sat down to talk with Eric about a month or so ago, I wanted to see where he thought we were, considering we had not been intimate for a very long time, not sleeping in the same bed, not even talking. He told me we were good. We were not fighting so he thought things were alright. But not for me. The lack of fighting was a good thing in the regards of peace, but sadly there was no fighting to save a dying marriage. I know God hates divorce and I know he can heal any marriage. But I also know it take 2 willing hearts because he will never force us to the what we should do. Miracles can happen. Also, the more I read God's word and how love is intended to be, the more I desired to be loved that way. Right now Eric can not provide that nor does he want to.

So about a week after our first talk I sat down with Eric again and told him how I was feeling. He told me that this is only a slump and that things would get better. In order for things to improve and to get a different result then what we are getting, there has to be a change in the actions. There have been none, and his response to that was a shrug of the shoulder. In that moment I knew I had reached my breaking point. I did not want things to be this way, but I do not want to be in a loveless marriage.

Eric and I both did our parts to break this relationship down, to destroy they love we had, I played just as much of a part in doing so, but it would take both of us to rebuild it again and there's not. I have nothing left to give and for now I do not want to even give anymore. Who knows where this road will lead, that is in God's hands.

Eric told me a few months ago that I would never leave, that I could not make it with out him. His hurtfulness is now my drive. I know longer want to depend on him and I want him to see that he is wrong. I not only want to be stuck in a loveless marriage, I also do not want to stay because of fear.... fear in being alone, fear that I can not make it on my own. A reason to stay is love, not money.

My next step....... In a couple of months, either in July or August I and the boys will be moving back to Charleston. We will be stay with my Dad for a while as I am going back to school full time. Not sure what for, but what ever it will be it will be enough to support the kids and I, that way I never have to depend on anyone else again! I do not know what will happen and I am a little scared and I am more than saddened for how this has all turned out, but this is life, we do not always get what we want. I still believe in love, the love that all of us deserve, and I will continue to hold out for that love.

First Kiss

2010-05-07T16:13:00.002-04:00

I feel your hands caress my cheek

Your hands running through my hair.

In your mind you question your self

Do I even dare?

You are so closer to me now,

I can feel your breath on my skin.

As you lean in even closer

You hear my heart beating from within.

Your lips touch mine

So soft and so sweet.

Pressing in harder

Our tongues reach out to meet.

You pull me next to you

Your hand runs down my spine.

I say to my self

You are doing just fine.

I take a deep breath

And let it all out

Confirmation in my heart

There’s no longer any doubt.

As I open my eyes

I know I am awake

Waiting for that first kiss

For a love I will never forsake.

Heartfelt Blogger Award

2009-12-11T16:03:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago Ms. Jessica Twigg nominated one of my blogs for this award. I have been so busy with Christian, me being sick, and just plain life that I have been unable to update or even share who I think really deserves this award. So at this moment I am making time. There are only a few blogs I follow because there is only so many hours in a day and as a heart mom there is not many free hours in a day. But the ones I do read, they are the ones which bring me hope, strength, and encouragement.

Stephanie Husted ~ She does not update very often, but when she does... watch out. She writes these beautiful poems that makes you feel she knows you heart. She speaks what most of us have a hard time finding the words to say.

Jessica Twigg ~ I have been following her long before she moved to blogger. Her blogs never fail to bring me to tears and sometimes to my knees. Her struggle and pain has been felt because she is not afraid to share it. Her blogs are real and cut to the bone and reading her tears you will never be the same.

Shannon Carter ~ I love her blog. Her little baby is such a sweet boy. Her blog allows me to laugh after a long day. She brings the bright side of being a mommy and a heart mommy to light. Her humor can make even the grumpiest of hearts smile.

The Heartfelt Blogger Award is awarded to the blogs that make us feel all comfy or warm inside when we read them.

Here are the Rules for this award:

1) Display the award logo

2) Nominate up to 9 blogs that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside

3) Link to your nominees and leave a comment on their blog telling them about the award

4) Link to the person whom you received the award

Who Am I?

2009-11-20T22:46:00.000-05:00

I Am:

I am your child

How could you forget?

Your blood runs through my veins

Do you just not care?

A lifetime with out me

Is that not long enough?

A promise that you have room

Did something else take my place?

Who am I to you?

I am your child.

I am your sister

The one you never really knew.

We spoke from time to time,

Then as fast as you showed up

You disappeared too.

A friendship is all I wanted

But I guess life does not always work out that way.

Who am I to you?

I am your sister.

I am your daughter

How dare you treat me this way.

You gave birth to me

But motherhood was only a short game you wanted to play.

A lifetime of pain

And yet you could care less.

It really is crap

To tell me you did your best.

For you to put a man in my place

How crazy could you be?

Who am I to you?

I am your daughter.

Who am I?

I am the one you have rejected.

I am the one who bares the scars that you so horribly inflicted.

I am the one with out parents.

I am the one you choose to give away.

I am the one that has begged you for just a chance.

How stupid could I be?

Who am I?

I am the one with so much love to give.

I am the one who is not missing out.

I am the one who is done begging.

I am the one with a family who loves me.

I am the one who will not walk in your foot steps.

I am the one who is ok.

Who am I? I am me.

Who am I to you? Your loss.

Leeanne White

To My Friend

2009-11-20T22:35:00.000-05:00

To My Friend

You say you believe.

You say that you follow

But when you look at you life

It seems completely hollow.

You say I have no clue

And no right to judge

But what about our God

Looking down from above?

I am watching with my eyes

And not just what you say

The fruit that you produce

Is it withering away?

See I have the right

If you say your one of us

To examine what is right

And to know what is just.

If you tell me you love Jesus

And you actions do not follow through

Please know that it’s right

When I say you need to think about what you do.

No one is every perfect

Neither you nor I.

But the way we live our life right now

Determines what happens when we die.

To unbelievers

It does not matter what I say

But you I love and cherish

And I do not want to see you go astray.

Leeanne White

Let's See....

2009-11-06T02:18:00.001-05:00

A ton of things have gone on in the past few weeks, months, and even years. Sometimes I find it hard to blog about the bad stuff.... ok, most of the time. I guess I am never sure of what I should say or what I should not say. What is too much information and what is my walls that I have a hard time letting down. Who knows.

Though I am learning the more I hold things in, the more I feel alone. If I never say what's going on, who will be able to pray for my circumstance or who will be able to share in my joy? OK..... deep breath.

Let's see......

My child has had 2 major surgeries in the past 9 months and countless trips to the doctors. I feel like I am on a never ending spiral.

Eight months ago I felt so close to God and now I feel so far away. I know it's not because of Him, but I just can not seem to find my way back. I pray, but I am usually at a loss for words, I try to read my Bible, but find my self thinking about other things that are on my mind. I am back in church but still feel so disconnected. Again, all my fault, I just do not know where to go or what to do. My path is dark and the worries of this world has blinded my view.

I find my self half of the time laughing at what this world has to offer, with our president, the economy, the people in office and then on the other hand I feel my self cold. I find my self shaking my head in disappointment to the things that go on around me. I struggle to see the good in people and have a hard time trusting anyone. I am numb. Gosh as I say this I feel so sad for what just cam out of my mouth. The joy I know I should be feeling because I am a child of God has eluded me today.

For the past year I have been in constant pain, tiredness, moodiness, and just plain miserable. Come to find out I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. What does this mean?

•infrequent menstrual periods, no menstrual periods, and/or irregular bleeding

•infertility (not able to get pregnant) because of not ovulating

•increased hair growth on the face, chest, stomach, back, thumbs, or toes—a condition called hirsutism (HER-suh-tiz-um)

•ovarian cysts

•acne, oily skin, or dandruff

•weight gain or obesity, usually carrying extra weight around the waist

•insulin resistance or type 2 diabetes

•high cholesterol

•high blood pressure

•male-pattern baldness or thinning hair

•patches of thickened and dark brown or black skin on the neck, arms, breasts, or thighs

•skin tags, or tiny excess flaps of skin in the armpits or neck area

•pelvic pain

•anxiety or depression due to appearance and/or infertility

•sleep apnea—excessive snoring and times when breathing stops while asleep

I have not had all the symptoms, but close to it. Bad news is there is no cure. The good news is they can try to treat it. They have started me on a low dose birth control pill hoping to shrink the cysts. If that fails.... well I am telling them to take everything.... I can not see past the pain.

To top it off my husband and I have been going through a extremely hard time in our marriage. We are now in counseling, which I love. He is very biblical. This road is not easy, but it's a road that we are willing to go down for the sake of our marriage. My husband and I are doing the "Love & Respect" workbook. It really makes you think. I sat the other day answering questions in it. One was do you think all marriages have problems and do you think you should give up when the problems became too much. It got me thinking. I know all marriages have problems. What is a problem though? Should problems be a reason for me divorcing my husband? A problem is something that just needs to be fixed or solved. Can all problems be fixed or solved. The Bible tells me in Matthew 19: 26 Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.” Good news for me. I am in a desperate fight and it's to save my marriage.

What's left??? Hmmmm...... I am too tired to think. But if your reading this blog, don't take the time to judge me because I have been an open book, take the time to pray for someone in need.

Oh yeah, I have been inspired by a friend. Thank you Stephanie.

Heart Walk and Reunion

2009-10-17T03:21:00.004-04:00

September 26th I went down to Charleston, South Carolina for the annual American Heart Association "Little Heart Walk". The weather was perfect, the company was better, and it was something my family and I will never forget. I was able to hold this little cute baby that I have been following since before he was born. I met moms that I will forever be grateful for. And babies who have defied all odds. It was a complete reminder to the wonderful hands of our Maker.

Christian, Dr. Bradley (his surgeon), & Cathy.

That night we attended our first Heart Reunion put on by Palmetto Hearts. It was so amazing. There where all these kids running around laughing and playing with out a care in the world. You looked at those kids and you had no idea the scars they were hiding, the surgeries they have been through, their battles they have fought, how very special their hearts were. To a stranger they were kids, but to us, they were and are blessings sent from above.

Christian fell in love with Ms. Piggy :)

The reunion was held down at the Children's Museum in Down Town Charleston. Everything there was hands on. They got to see how gravity worked with golf balls, how water played a part in everything from electricity to boating, they got to play a cashier and a shopper at the grocery store. Ate at a play diner and were the servers at the diner. They played on a pirate ship, went to pirate jail and sail the seas. They were knights is this castle and were kings on a thrown. You name it, they did it. Face painting, balloon animals, and even some cake and soda. They had it all! Parents had just as much fun as the kids, but they wore out easire... imagine that, lol.

It was just so amazing and I can not wait till next year!

Does God exist ?

2009-10-10T03:56:00.004-04:00

Obama Peace Prize Win, A Time To Pray.

2009-10-10T02:51:00.003-04:00

Please explain this to me....

President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday because the judges found his promise of disarmament and diplomacy.

Obama pledges to reduce the world stock of nuclear arms, ease U.S. conflicts with Muslim nations and strengthen its role in combating climate change.

He made a promise, but what has he actually done?

Ease conflicts with Muslim nations.... are you kidding me?

What qualifies someone to win the Nobel Peace Prize?

According to Nobel's will, the Peace Prize should be awarded "to the person who shall have done the MOST or the BEST work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.

You show me what Obama has actually done. He made a promise that he may not even be able to fulfill.

---------------------------------------------------------------
Deep breath.....OK, now it's time to pray. Pray that we will be ready, because ready or not... here He comes!

1Jo 2:18 Little children, it is the last hour; and as you have heard that the [fn] Antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come, by which we know that it is the last hour.

1Jo 2:19 They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us; but [they went out] that they might be made manifest, that none of them were of us.

1Jo 2:20 But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and you know all things. [fn]

1Jo 2:21 I have not written to you because you do not know the truth, but because you know it, and that no lie is of the truth.

1Jo 2:22 Who is a liar but he who denies that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist who denies the Father and the Son.

1Jo 2:23 Whoever denies the Son does not have the Father either; he who acknowledges the Son has the Father also.

1Jo 2:24 Therefore let that abide in you which you heard from the beginning. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, you also will abide in the Son and in the Father.

1Jo 2:25 And this is the promise that He has promised us--eternal life.

1Jo 2:26 These things I have written to you concerning those who [try to] deceive you.

1Jo 2:27 But the anointing which you have received from Him abides in you, and you do not need that anyone teach you; but as the same anointing teaches you concerning all things, and is true, and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you will [fn] abide in Him.

1Jo 2:28 And now, little children, abide in Him, that when [fn] He appears, we may have confidence and not be ashamed before Him at His coming.

1Jo 4:1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

1Jo 4:2 By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God,

1Jo 4:3 and every spirit that does not confess that [fn] Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.

2Jo 1:7 For many deceivers have gone out into the world who do not confess Jesus Christ [as] coming in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist.

In Revelation 13:5-8, the antichrist is referred to as "the beast:"

"Then the beast was allowed to speak great blasphemies against God. And he was given authority to do whatever he wanted for forty-two months. And he spoke terrible words of blasphemy against God, slandering his name and his dwelling—that is, those who dwell in heaven. And the beast was allowed to wage war against God’s holy people and to conquer them. And he was given authority to rule over every tribe and people and language and nation. And all the people who belong to this world worshiped the beast. They are the ones whose names were not written in the Book of Life before the world was made—the Book that belongs to the Lamb who was slaughtered."

The antichrist will gain political power and spiritual authority over every nation on the earth. He will most likely begin his rise to power as a very influential, very charismatic, political or religious diplomat.

an·ti·christ -

1. An enemy of Christ.

2. Antichrist The epithet of the great antagonist who was expected by the early Church to set himself up against Christ in the last days before the Second Coming.

3. A false Christ.

I am not saying Obama is the Antichrist.....but I will say he is sure clearing the path.

I'm sorry.... but this is too funny!

2009-10-10T00:59:00.008-04:00

Things Needed To Be Said

2009-09-30T05:36:00.002-04:00

I was looking back the other day at all of my profiles. The one thing I noticed is I have not really mentioned much about my husband. Well he does exists. I do not give him the credit he deserves and I often forget to remind him of how important he is to me. The truth is, I would not know what to do with out him. I love him very much and God gave me this man for a reason. Our marriage is far from perfect, but he is the perfect man for me. He knows me like no one else knows me. He respects me like no one else respects me. He loves me more than any one else loves me. He can make me smile or bring a tear to my eye faster than anyone else. There are a few things about him that bug me to the bone, but all in all he is a keeper. He is a wonderful father to our boys. He is honest and caring. He is Eric, my Husband!

Theres more to me than my CHD baby.

2009-09-17T05:10:00.004-04:00

While I love being a mom to my special Heart Baby, I am a mother to two other wonderful boys. I want them to know and others to know that they own my heart just as much as their baby brother.

JohnMichael is 10 years old and will turn 11 in January. He is still a mommas boy.

He is learning how to be independent at this moment, making friends, and wanting to hang out with them instead of me. It's sad in the sense that I look at my baby who seemed to be so small in my arms yesterday to now being a little man. It's wonderful though to see him maturing into this wonderful person who makes me so proud to be his mom. He enjoys video games like most boys, riding his bike, and reading. He is a big reader. I hated reading as a kid. He enjoys Christian SCI FI type of books. He has really bad allergies. He is really allergic to fire ants, and he hates bugs, and getting dirty, and wet. Lol.

My Big Sweet Boy.

JohnMichael being a dork :)

JohnMichael loving on his brothers.

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Chases, my sweet little man. He just turn 8 years old in August. He is such the most giving child I know. If he has money in his pockets when ever we walk into a store that has those donation boxes or tubes, he will drop as much money as he has into them. There was this one time he went into a game room and some kid walked up to him and asked him for money so he could play the games, and he gave the little boy all his money. He would give a stranger the shirt off his back if they asked. Chase loves to play out side. He is all boy! The dirtier the better. He loves to dig in the dirt, burn ants, and he just loves to take things apart to see how they work. He hates doing any kind of work, but what ever you ask of him, he always replies yes ma'am.

He has some trouble with his speech and he has to work harder when it comes to spelling and reading, but he is a fighter. He is very independent, from day one he wanted to be on his own and he thinks he can do what ever everyone else does, and if not, he will give it his best shot.

Chunky Monkey

So Silly

Ouch!

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Now this brings me to the baby. Except he is no baby any more. Christian is now 6 years old as of July. When I was 5 months pregnant with him, the doctors told me that my son was very sick and that I should really give consideration to terminating my pregnancy. He had the worst Congenital Heart Defect that a child could be born with. It was called Hypo-Plastic Left Heart Syndrome aka HLHS. As you can see, I did not take the doctors advice. He has been through so much in his little life and he shows so much endurance, strength, and happiness. Through it all he has never lost his smile. It's a smile that can brighten the whole room. He has a sense of humor that can just make the hardest of hearts laugh. He hates food! He love his older brothers and just loves to be with them. If they do it, he can do it. There is no holding him back. He is very smart as well. He can watch a movie a few times and then be able to recite a scene word for word. Though he is a little behind emotionally. He is also a mamma's boy. He loves kisses and snuggling, which I just love.

JohnMichael, Chase, & Christian being silly.

Silly boy.

He was busted French kissing a smurf!

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As you may see, I am very proud, so very proud to be these boys mom. I love them very much. They bring a joy to my life that is unimaginable. I can not imagine my life with out them. I look forward to raising them and watching them turn into wonderful men. I am so blessed!